Of Fridays and Flatness.
This morning finds Devon drizzling and grey; predictable, of course, given that we are hoping to go off adventuring tomorrow. Having had three weeks or so of hard work, something involving a pootle, tea and a scone and a walk somewhere other than the fields or woods on our doorstep is called for. Deluge notwithstanding.
Truth be told, I’m feeling a little bit flat. I’ve lost my oomph, and I just can’t quite recall where I saw it last. (Though I think it might have been somewhere in Cornwall.) It’s not terminal, and it’s not disastrous; I just need some time off, and a spot of fun, and probably to finish a few of the projects that I’ve got on the go. Do you ever find that you start a nice list of things To Do, feeling all goody-McTwo-Shoes about it, only to find that where the list once relieved all anxiety about its contents simply in the writing of it, it has now become something of an albatross, swinging around your neck and gently poking you in the backside with its long and angular beak? Yes, well: that.
I have a list of crafty things that I want to do – and yes, I do want to do them – but very little is actually happening on them. This is partly because I’ve chosen things that I don’t really know how to do (a cabled jumper, for example, is probably not quite the best way to ease myself back into knitting after a summer-long break), partly because I’ve been doing quite a bit of freelance work recently (and that normally happens when the small girl is asleep, a precious hour which I could otherwise devote to such fun activities as, you know, cleaning, or making dinner [which, actually, is a fun activity for me, not least as it encourages me to get through those 52 Recipes in 2010, but still... Sometimes I just want to do something selfishly crafty, even if said selfishness is eventually destined for, say, Quercus or the small girl]), and partly because I’m a little lacking in the old organisation/motivation department at the moment.
I’m trying to avoid procrastinating, which means I’m spending less time online – I know that one of my worst habits as a PhD student was the pissing away of hours reading blogs in which I felt only limited interest, purely because my A-list had yet to update, so at least having experienced the crappitude that comes from having wasted a day, I know that I feel rather better – despite short-term crabbiness – if I just get on with things, rather than putting them off while glumly reading t’inter. So, I have started knitting a rather exciting hat for the small girl, with prompting from Ally, who donated wool and a kick-off, and I have drafted a new list (because obviously lists are my thing… ahem…) which is radically shorter, changing the original list to a list intended to cover autumn, rather than, well, now. I’ve also added some easy wins – lengthening the small girl’s felted dress of last winter, making some more felt acorns for her, getting up to thirty on the recipes challenge – which should spur me on a bit.
I’ve come to realise since finishing my PhD that I do seem to need Things To Do, to work towards, to achieve, rather than just being able to pootle through the days in a blithe and carefree manner. I think Coffeeslut‘s comment that I might be ‘unsuited to being / perceiving [myself] to be stationary while the world moves / seems to be moving on around [me]‘ is probably quite apt; I need activity, and organisation. Here’s to autumn coming, and with it, a new sense of vigour.
Happy Friday, interwebs: it is nearly time for a lie-in.
A to-do list that morphs into a life-sucking list of reasons to go back to bed? Hmmmm. Yes, I do believe I’ve experienced that phenomenon “a time or two”. Like right now. My ambition’s eyes are bigger than my stomach.
Yes indeedy – I also am completely unsuited to being stationary AND I do much better when there’s some structure – otherwise I flop about and nothing gets done and I get very, very irritated. So lists are good!
i do so find goal-lists (as opposed to lists of stuffihave) amazing helpful. organization doesn’t always come easy, but i need it. am currently feeling antsy myself as what i want to do, & need to do, has taken a back seat due to the daughter’s insistence on completing a project for a friend of hers. it’s easy enough, won’t take up that much time, but pisses me off because it wasn’t something i chose to do…*sigh* enough time spent online, time to chores, lunch,etc…..
Afraid I’m burdened with the same curse (inability to remain stationary). I’m horribly goal-oriented and tend towards nervous breakdown territory if I don’t have some fucking mountain to climb. Which is horrible really. Hence overkill with the new degree. Oh to just be with a large sloppy grin on my face and a bottomless cup o’ chai.
As a result, crafting anything at all feels like an unattainable guilty pleasure at the moment. I knitted the majority of a cardigan (very quickly too!) for Moon two months ago. It sits languishing in my knitting basket, its formerly delightful berry ice creaminess little more than a limp recrimination. So that’s my albatross.
Good for you taking off into the beyond…deluge or not, hope you have a lovey, relaxing break : )
call me crazy – but i’m desperately in love with any scenery that looks like that. i’m all about the dark and brooding hills at the moment. i think a tramp about in a downpour sounds simply heavenly.
i’ve given up on to-do lists. they just make me hate myself. i do, however, make suggestions to myself…
i’m notoriously good at over-estimating exactly what i’m truly capable of accomplishing…thus begins the hate-despair cycle…
embracing my imperfections has gone a long way to my no longer giving a rat’s ass…
Hi, I came across your blog, started reading and couldn’t stop (in fact I’m still reading)
To-do lists and I don’t match. If something is on such list, one way or another I won’t take them up or finish them. (on my list is finishing my Bach-flower-remedie course and after two years I am running out of excuses not to finish, I am not pregnant, she is not a baby any more, she sleeps through most nights, but still the books lay unused in a corner) It has something to do of feeling pressured by a stupid thing like a self-made list which make me rebel against it. I am a difficult person.
(oh and sorry for the crappy English, but it’s not my native)
Hi
Just found your blog via HedgeWizard.
I also NEED things to do. Living in a small community on an island, there are not the laid on ready made entertainments found in town. It is all too easy to lose your mind and motivation to the visual Mogadon of TV. So I am making bread, candles, pickles, net bags and homebrew. Trying to reduce my footprint and keep my sanity.
Have Fun