O, unspeakable woe! (Warning: There Be Menstrool Dragons Thar.)
Well, not really unspeakable, as I am about to speak it, metaphorically, er, speaking. But still. Woe. Yes. Woe, for I have spent two days with a not-very-well small girl for company. And lo! there was much lying on the sofa with a small wailing person on top of me, wanting to do nothing except feed and go to sleep. She is most pathetic, and I feel very sorry for her, and have pretty much no idea what’s wrong. She just seems to have picked something up, and is a bit on the warm side, is completely uninterested in eating or going out and doing things, and is rather lethargic. I am taking the drink-lots-of-fluid-and-thank-the-gods-for-continued-breastfeeding dance, while perfecting the skills of doing normal household stuff with a toddler in one hand. Quite different from the same dance conducted to the tune of tiny babe, I find, and rather more demanding on one’s wrists (to the extent that I appear to have acquired a repetitive strain injury in my left wrist, which is currently intimating that physiotherapy might be the only way to persuade it to cease and desist).
Also, it being that time of the month, I have the cramps from hell.
Now, this brings me to a tricky subject.
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO HURT?
No, seriously. WHY?
I mean, I am all in favour of the many and varied attempts that various female writers have made to reclaim the majesty of menstruation, and to work in into some sort of alternative feminine esotericism which rejoices in the power of birth and recreation of the divine spirit through birth and blood, milk and ecstasy and all that. Oh yes. And I read tons of very lentil-eating books about childbirth when I was pregnant, and yes, I ended up very much in favour of home-birth with as few interventions as possible. (And yes, I am off to knit my own placenta into a menstruation veil shortly.) (Kidding.) But the thing that really stops me short of buying into this logic is that every month, my period arrives, and I feel pretty shoddy for the first day or two, to the extent that, today, all I’ve wanted to do is crouch over a hot water bottle, while muttering darkly about hysterectomies.
Traitor to the cause, see. Next thing I’ll be seeking out the interventions of a white male GP with an Oxbridge degree who votes Conservative and lives within an hour of London, not to mention burning my sandals and eating a Big Mac.
I do want to find a way to perceive menstruation as something other than a royal pain in the arse, if you’ll forgive the literal nature of that phrasing, but it’s something with which I struggle. I mean, mentally, I find the idea of a cycle which is in time with the tides of the moon immensely appealing, and I love the idea of women being linked with lunar tides and whatnot. I am also not at all squeamish (I have been using a Mooncup for about five years, for example, and am not at all grossed-out by anything involving blood and guts), so it’s not that that’s the problem. I even like the novel idea of using menstrual blood in composting, for the iron contained therein, and, after a brief deliberation, this month I’ve switched to using washable pads, with which I am so far delighted. Also, given my witchcraft tendencies, I have used a variety of herbal approaches in the past, some of which I continue to use, more out of habit than any particularly overwhelming effect; raspberry leaf tea, scullcap tincture, cramp bark, camomile, valerian, peppermint and many others which I can’t remember have all joined me in the ouch-why-ouch monthly dance, yet none have really trounced the problem. (And that’s before we even start on The Teenage Years: Does Any GP Think That The Pill Doesn’t Cure All Problems, And If So, Give That Doc A Prize.)
So, the eco aspects of menstruation get my vote, as it were. And the whole you-can-make-people-if-you’re-female bit never fails to astonish me, as it did throughout conception, pregnancy and birth, and as I hope it will again, if we ever finish our sodding house (that, dear reader, is another post entirely). I can talk my way around all sorts of phrasing which plays up the importance of positive imagery about menstruation in terms of having daughters and giving them a good feeling about being female, and I have learned to stop thinking of menstruation as ‘the curse’, a phrase my mother used for years (and perhaps unsurprisingly, given that she had a hysterectomy at forty after years of endometriosis) because I don’t want to feel that something which is natural to the female body is in any way something inflicted upon it; no – I prefer to see it as a sign of the great things of which women are capable. But that’s exactly where I flounder: I do believe that it’s a sign of all the extraordinary things that we can handle, as women, yet at the same time, the pain really pisses me off. It’s not like I’m lying in my bed of pain for days at a time, trailing a wan (and suitably Victorian) hand over a lacy cotton nightgown, but it does take the edge off me, for want of a better phrase, for the first couple of days, and my skin is completely crap for a few days before that, just to remind me of the delights which lie before me.
So, in short, how to resolve this dichotomy between the mental resolution with which I can cheerfully face the monthly challenges of being female, and the physical wimp which appears as soon as the bleeding begins? It’s a question I haven’t yet answered, but I’d really like to get my hymn-sheets in order before I start explaining all this to a small girl, one day.
Pilates. An hour lesson at the beginning of a period totally wiped out the two days I normally spend necking Anadin Extras. No pain, none at all.
Red wine does the same for me as Pilates does for Thursday.
No sensible answer, sorry. It’s crap. I think it’s possibly cultural, though. In the ‘thinking about it’ area and the ‘eating loads more sugar than one would if one was a prehistoric woman’ area. Don’t know why that should make a difference.
I mean. It IS annoying having to stuff something in your pants for five days out of every twenty eight, isn’t it? There’s not really any positive way to re-frame it, IMO. And I do speak as one who has tried dancing naked in a forest in the rain to get in touch with my inner woman, and all that stuff.
This is fantastic! I thought I was alone in feeling this way about “the Menstrool Dragon”.
Because you are so awesome, I’m going to share what I have learned in my quest for acceptance of the curse: constipation. (Yes, I just went there.) If you are anything like me, you prob’ly get a little “stopped up” for two or three days beforehand. It’s not super-obvious, just a little uncomfortable. HOWEVER, if you can figure out a way to “unleash the hounds” (so to speak) before the arrival of your unwelcome guest, you may be more comfortable.
I eat a lot of corn the week before. Works like a charm.
Sorry if this was TMI. It just had to be said.
Hmmm..Sorry, but I find I am the total opposite of what DW described pre mensruating as the hormonal effect has my world falling out of my bottom..TMI? sorry…
I am now in perimenopause…and have gone from regular but moderately heavy bleeding all my life (using a mooncup and washables…) to irregular, but incredibly heavy, nay flooding, flow…to the point where my work has to cease, during my flow time…
which, as it has gone from 28 days every time, to bloody (!) erratic ( 15 days apart, then 40…but randomly) …makes life even more sucks-worth than when all was regular, at least….
WHY? I mean WTF? What is the point? I probably am past any genetic reasonableness to getting pregnant..TBH would probably have been dead before I got to my current age (47) IYKWIM..so why does it all have to be so messy and painful?
I started “on” when I was 10..and have been as regular as the Moon ever since, apart from when pregnant…or bf….and yes it hurts! every time!
so..anyone who knows…know why we have to suffer such discomforts? …and do not even THINK about giving me any crap about it being due to “my attitude” to my “womminhood” or somesuch..
My attitiude towards no longer being The Mother is fine…
and I would be very happy to move into being The Crone, pronto….
especially if it got rid of the effing cramps and flooding and general discomfort…
Oh…and I tell CG the basic facts and NO I do NOT make her feel fear and distress about what will happen to her…I have always had a very good view of my menstruation even though it has been a bit of a trial every month during my life, it also makes me feel “womanly” IYKWIM….and I have tried to pass this feeling on to CG
But CG will be doing all this, and probably within the next year, if she follows my genes….
(Gulp..my little baby girl, bleeding ..gulp….!)
THAT really makes me feel…well, just feel!)
Hmm. Speaking as a sort-of former, sort-of still pagan (it’s a long story), one of my least favorite things about latter-day paganism is its glamorization of certain experiences. Menstruation is powerful, and amazing, but it also sucks. What can I say? I’ve used a mooncup and all that but I still find it unappealing. Because I have been pregnant or nursing for a while, then ended up (for other reasons) with a Mirena IUD, I am not menstruating and I don’t miss it one whit. And I am not even one of those people who has a really hard time with it. It’s messy, I don’t like the smell, it’s a logistical pain, it’s physically painful.
I would draw a parallel to pregnancy. It is clearly a beautiful and completely amazing experience in many ways. But it is hard on the body. In my case, it’s an absolutely miserable time, emotionally and physically. I throw up for months on end and become really depressed, lose all interest in my hobbies and in reading, can’t think straight, etc. etc. And pregnancy is not an ideally designed experience. From what I’ve read, the fetus is in some ways in competition with the mother’s body for nutrients and energy. That’s not even talking about the risks and pain of childbirth! Women deserve respect and honor for battling through the things our bodies can throw at us, and the experience of the pain and difficulties can be in some way freeing or powerful. But in other ways? It’s just a pain in the ass, and part of being a feminist earthy type, IMO, is having the freedom to say so.
I suppose my take on it is rather Nietzschean: that which does not kill us makes us stronger. We women have the ability to make it through the indignities that menstruation and, yes, pregnancy impose upon the physical form, but that doesn’t mean that we enjoy it. And I think it’s OK to hold all these inconsistencies at once, without a “hymn sheet.” We can take pride in our physical strength and the miracles of the female body at the same time that we would be just as happy to never bleed again (at least, I would).
That said, it doesn’t help that our modern life imposes requirements on us that make menstruating particularly challenging. It would be easier if, when bleeding, I could just go off to my red tent and, I don’t know, gnaw on venison jerky and get in touch with my raging hormones or whatever, rather than having to go to the supermarket, work, drop my son off at care, or whatever. Still, I can’t imagine that my friends who bleed buckets, throw up, have to lie in bed for the pain, etc. would really have had that much more fun back in the paleo days.
I have also heard that red wine, a glass every night for a week beforehand, can help.
Sorry, least useful blog comment ever, or what?
Just sympathising and empathising here. Not found anything that works for me but the practical difficulties of running a business and being “professional” while having to always keep an eye on the clock (must be in the toilet every hour, must wear dark clothes, must have a large set of “supplies” on me) and the psychological difficulties of concentrating on something other that wanting to kill someone or gnaw the beams, leaves me tired and run down… every month. Won’t have a problem with cronedom, in this aspect at least!
Tea, tincture, bark et al is all well and good, but you can’t beat a dose or two of ibuprofen IMO
(Sorry to not be very hippy and inner-womanish about it, but natural childbirth, breastfeeding etc good: periods bad.)
Really sympathise. There are few good bits about segueing into “raddled old bat” status, but the sheer bliss of no more periods, no more giant house-brick sanpro, no cramps and the chance to be bad-tempered “just because you can” rather than because it’s day X and premenstrual gloom is compulsory…Ooof.
Not to mention that there’s no longer a need to do complicated backwards counting to establish whether it’s day 21 or 34, or whether you might be ovulating, or could need to use some baroque form of contraception, or indeed could need to work out when best to use an ovulation testing kit (“Yes, TODAY. Now, please?”)…
“Menopause – not all bad” :suddenly there’s even time for hobbies.
All the best to you
Jx (tongue only slightly in cheek)
So it’s not just me, then!
I pretty much second all the above, I think, including and particularly the regrettable tendency of modern paganism to attempt to glamorize certain facets of womanhood which, for me, would be far better if they just fucked the fuck off right now, thankyouverymuch.
I must go and drink some sodding raspberry leaf tea. (And Lisa, I’ve tried all sorts of analgesia, none of which did any better for me – ibuprofen always seems about as effective as popping Smarties, and paracetamol ditto. Even codeine and prescription things like Ponstan make no difference at all, as far as I can see.)
I’ve been thinking about this today – on the back of helping mum with a ewe that had rejected a lamb. You don’t get animals going all purple-kaftan and spiritual about being in heat, do you? Some friends came to visit us on Friday and mentioned that one of their pigs was brimming and in a filthy mood, so much so that she’d taken to penning them in the corner of the pen at feeding time and trying to knock them over. I think that feeling like you want to wipe out your entire family for breathing and then move on to the rest of the world is probably a perfectly normal mammalian response.
I’d take up swimming or running and see if things improve. I had terrible cramps on and off until having children, whereupon they cleared up. When I look back to the phases in my life when cramps were worst and when they cleared up, it was linked to quantities of aerobic exercise – I’ve always walked everywhere, but that in itself didn’t prevent cramps. Running about 3 miles 3 times a week did. I do realise that this doesn’t fit in with your general tiredness and busyness right now, but it might be worth a try when your life calms down a bit.
Am so glad I read this post
))
EW, Ibuprofen never did my cramps any good either, and as it has a quasi hormonal effect, have been reliably informed before now by medico friend that it is actually not much use….and indeed can increase bloodflow ( which is why it is a good anti inflamatory…….)
All other decent pain relief makes me quite, quite ill….( although the one time I was cramping, whilst in hospital and on Morphine……I had no pain….mind you, I DID think I was up a tree, listening to bird song…so there we go!)
Will be glad when I have stopped all this bother, tbh….
Reminder to slow down? Monthly preparation for the pain of childbirth? Ugh. Who knows. Do other mammals get menstral cramps?
I felt the backlash from the whole ‘isn’t it MARVELOUS that we’re WOMEN and everything about it is WONDERFUL’ thing because, damn it, if you don’t quite feel it’s all that marvelous, if (for example) you’re actually not a happy, glowing pregnant person (although you quite like the end product as a general rule) then there’s something wrong and you’re letting the womanly side down and so on – which is, in case you can’t tell, me. Guilt seems to be the female weapon of choice and, at least when it comes to enjoying things that I simply don’t enjoy, I firmly reject it. Why on earth SHOULD we love the mess and pain? If if means something to you and you can and want to embrace it and all then that’s super but hey, if it is just something you cope with because that’s what you have to do but it DOESN’T fill you with goddess-like strength and all of that well, that’s fine too!
I’m sitting here with laptop and cat, and cat is not impressed by the fact that my chuckling is disturbing her rest.
I suppose I’m quite lucky in that I don’t get hellish cramps, but crtainly the first day is rarely a barrel of laughs. Was also never particularly aware of PMT in a major fashion, though my eczema has a tendency to give me prior warning by kicking things up a notch a week or so beforehand. The Mooncup has definitely helped by making things easier, shorter and less crampy. Also nice not having to carry half a bag load of paper pulp/cotton wool around. The last two months have seen a fairly epic increase in PMT however. The only thing that’s changed in recent times is the arrival of TRM so I’m putting it down to hormones – going from no sex drive whatsoever to quite the opposite may have had side effects, perhaps?
I have never really delved too deeply in the womyn-iness of That Time of the Month. I always just figured that it was one of the prices to be paid for a lot of really good stuff being possible. And when I had a coil fitted, it bothered me that I didn’t have periods – it didn’t seem right somehow, no matter how much of a pain they were. Which is why I had it taken out a few years earlier than it needed to be. Some things just are and that’s ok with me. There’s not really an alternative for the time being so…well, meh, really!
Hope you and Witchling feel better soon. Sending lots of love and hugs. xxx
Oh dear. That sucks.
I cringe to say it, but I am a non-sufferer of menstrool dragons and whatnot. There’s lots that can help your woes, but I’m reluctant to go into it because it’s just going to sound annoying, (consistent exercise, diet, omega 3 essential fatty acids, magnesium and calcium, hormone regulating herbs can all make for a big improvement). You’ve probably tried all sorts of things, and right now with a sick child and feeling sore and tired, tackling all that will seem overwhelming. So I shall just offer you is my deepest sympathies instead. And also some blood-warming ginger tea…(energetically warming things are good for a ute in need of comfort).
Hugs and hotwater bottles.
Nettles.
Glad I found this post. Made me laugh(-; I’ve very like you, have a horriable time, always have, also very heavy horrid things. On top of that I get the awful skin, running to toilet and all the other lovely things you get. My god I feel ill and very weak for a week out of every month at least. My husband wonders why I am soo grumpy!!!! bless him. I love the whole feeling great and celebrating being female. But when the period comes I want my bed, lots of chocolate and sugar, hot water bottles and to put my face in a paper bag.
Hi nettles you are very lucky to not have too much pain – such as pms etc. I would love not too. Your right about the whole diet thing, it wouldn’t hurt. But doesnt seem to work for me during my period, chocolate helps(-;. Lavender in a hot bath helps me a bit, lavender on my pillow before bed too.
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