Bearing in mind a particularly challenging conversation I had with my father last night, it’s perhaps apt that Mon has chosen now for new moodboards. I feel that it’s time I put a few things to rest, and my expectations of my father really ought to be one of them. I mean, I am a grown woman, dagnammit, so why do I let him get to me every single bloody time? And why does it still bug me that he is the way he is? I mean, I should surely have accepted it by this point. Well, I haven’t, but it’s time that I tried a bit harder, I think, as it seems to me that the crusty old git isn’t going to change at this stage, so I may as well work rather harder on my defences. I wondered last night if he feels as I do, from the other end – that I’ve changed, that I’m no longer open with him, that every time he sticks his head above the emotional parapet, some sod fires a tank at him – but no, I don’t think so. Well, he probably thinks I’ve changed, becoming even more entrenched in the reckless behaviour he’s accused me of in the past, but you know what, I think ‘stuff it’ is the considered, emotionally mature response that I’m going for now.

So. The last few weeks have been introspective for me (and yes, I am going to blame it on my PhD finishing, because hey, why miss an opportunity to blame the PhD for something else? It’s always been my ‘go-to’ blamification device thus far, and I see no reason to change that), with lots of thinking about things to which there is no definitive answer. So, inward-looking, sometimes lonely, and sometimes hard, though ultimately important thunking has been done, I hope:

The coming month will, I hope, find a more optimistic Earthenwitch, one who is ready to try once more (and repeat after me, interweb) to find that inner zen-like oasis of calm. It must be in there somewhere. Right? RIGHT? I shall be a child of the universe. Tossed along on its gentle, balm-like waves. Wittering on about a right old load of shite. Thinking karmic thoughts. But seriously, I hope I can hold on to the sense of peace that I have felt in the last few days, and just Not Let Things Piss Me Off:

We’ll see, eh?